Stolen Yarns

Monday, 16 November 2015

Comedian SLK Realeases Brand New Pictures to Mark Birthday.

This is just to say a big thank you t those that sent their messages via one form of social medium or the other, those that called, and tgose that sent text messages on my birthday. God bless you all. Enjoy my new pictures.

Monday, 9 November 2015


Since I hardly go out except my work carries me (which is pretty much quite often), I decided to do movies once in a week. And as a single Lagos boy, most times, I go alone. A lot of people find this very creepy. So I get the "You are here alone?" question all the time. And they always have this shock on their faces as if  I'm supposed to be a Siamese twin.

Well apart from the fact that I' m a loner, I think going to the cinema alone makes so much economic sense. Going alone, all i need to pay for is ONE ticket. Just ticket! Yes I don't even buy popcorn.
Did you just say what will I chew? My brother if I want to chew something....I chew gum! But you cant conserve all these expenses when you go to the movies with someone. Of course going to the cinema with a fellow guy is very disturbing to my very homophobic mind. So I'm left with going with a lady. Now it will be so ungentlemanly of me to go to the cinema with a lady and let her pay. That is still not bad for me. What really annoys me is that these descendants of eve don't just stop there, Wait first, who made popcorn a prerequisite for having a nice time at the movies. 

The painful thing is that these girls watch movies in their houses empty mouthed and empty handed o! As if the money for pop corn is not exorbitant enough, some will even go a step further. I took one girl to the cinema, after we bought ticket, she shocked me by saying she doesn't like popcorn. You should have seen the joy in my eyes. Finally, I found my wife! When I was just about to revel in my good luck, she said: 'I don't like popcorn, I take only Asun, Hot dog, crepes and Ice cream'. ONLY???I had to remind her that its movie we are seeing o, not a birthday party. Immediately she said that I had to convert the movie date to lunch date, since na hungry carry am come. By the way, that's how sometime last year, I went to the cinema to see one Nigerian movie that was based on a book, I went to buy popcorn and they only filled it up to half! I asked why, then they said its because I'm seeing Half of a Yellow Sun.

I remember one other girl, after I had paid for 3 tickets (because the winch brought her cousin along), paid for popcorn, paid for drink, paid for hot-dog etc, we now sat down to watch the movie. At the end of the movie, after the last scene, she now wanted to stand up and be going. When they had not started showing the end credits! If you see the way I pulled her back. 'My friend sit down and finish this movie. My money must not waste! You go watch this credits taya today!'   

In case you didn't know, to the Glory of God, I have been nominated for 2 awards slated for November. (Naija FM Comedy awards and the African Entertainment Legend Awards)
Just to remind you to keep your votes coming if you think I deserve them.


AELA : SMS "Award 127" to 33070

Monday, 2 November 2015

13 Billion Pounds!!!

Wait, I don't get.13 Billion Pounds! One man...sorry one woman? We are talking pounds here o. Billion!!
Its like you don't understand the enormity of what I'm trying to say. Let me break it down. It was 1 million Dollars that Olu Maintain hit, that made him release on full hit! 
"Ti m ba hammer, first tin na hummer. ONE MILLION DOLLAR, elo lo ma je ti mba se si Naira!" He even shouted "Ye owo". That's to show you how huge 1m dollars is to him. Infact it was so huge, he formed a new dance! So what if he gets 13 billion pounds, how will Olu maintain his sanity?

When I tried to convert the money to Naira, the calculator burnt. No wonder my mother usually warns me against fine girls. If a woman can devour a full nation, na ordinary man e no go fit devour? 13bn Pounds!!
My neighbour's kids leaped for joy when this news broke out. Not because they love Nigeria so much or they hate crime so much. But because their mother was about to beat them for stealing 400Naira. When she saw the news like this, she gave up. 

Anyways, lets look at the positive side jor. I think she was just trying to show Babangida that "What a man can do, a woman can do better". I don't care whatever it is they want to do with her, my own is that our money must be returned. Even if it means that Nigerians should raise placards.."Bring Back Our Money". Yes o na our money! Infact when I first heard the news, the first thing that came to my mind was "Ehen! No wonder I broke".

By the time she returns all that money, the money wey go dey her account go be like N22,800.  The thought of that can even give you cancer.

But shaa 13billion Pounds! Chaiii There is God o!

In case you didn't know, to the Glory of God, I have been nominated for 2 awards slated for November. (Naija FM Comedy awards and the African Entertainment Legend Awards)
Just to remind you to keep your votes coming if you think I deserve them.


AELA : SMS "Award 127" to 33070

Why Frownest Thou?

I had this PHE teacher in JSS2. Pretty young woman..sorry..lady (No Fela intended). Her class used to be one of those "end of school" periods. When your 11year old brain is already closing for the day. 

So there I was in her class, simply minding my own business like the loner I've always been. I didn't need a ruler to know I was keeping a straight face. "Salako why are you frowning your face?" she asked calling my father's name as if he's her mate.
"Nothing ma" I replied.
"Don't frown in my class" your class "Night Of a Thousand Laughs"? It didn't make any logical sense to me so I left my face like that. Yes! I can be stubborn like that.
"If you are going to keep frowning then get out of my class" she obviously wasn't smiling when she made this statement. I mean no one can make such statement with a smiling face.
I should leave your class? I stood up and left.By this time, I was actually frowning.
"If you want to ever come back to this class you must write an apology letter, promising never to frown in my class again"
E gba mi! On top my own frown? Is it your frown i'm frowning?Or is there something else there? (Abi se nkan mi wa nbe ni)

I got home and told my mother. Trust Yoruba women she was so pissed! Then came my father. *sigh* . There are 2 people my father would never doubt - a doctor and a teacher. If my teacher tells my dad I raped her, my father will skin me alive without asking questions.
"I'm sure she must have a good reason for that", my dad said. Why wasn't I surprised? "so you must give her that letter first thing tomorrow morning" 
This man just killed my swag.
To cut the short story long, I reluctantly wrote the letter and got back to class.

Few months later, she had an accident and died.
My heart melted. What if I had not written the letter? The guilt would have been crazy.
Looking at it in retrospect, this woman had no idea that I would later in life, make a living from stopping people from frowning. 
Till today, every time something gets to me and I'm about to frown, I remember the promise I was forced to make to my PHE teacher in JSS2 and then I let out a cute smile like the one you see below

Thank you Miss Oyewole. RIP

Saturday, 3 May 2014

Girls and Cars

 *singing* She no want designer, she no want ferari..... *weaves slap! dodges blow, blocks bullet* 
Ahaaan! Wait first! No be me sing the song now! 

I'm sure by now we all agree that Davido lied! Well for more information you can watch the Naija Babes response to the song (by my brother  Emma OhmaGod)

But my major question now is "Whats it with Naija babes and cars?''  Make den no just see man with car keys!! What of those guys that are stiill hussling? What should happen to them? A guy can be ugly as hell, but as soon as hes driving an SUV he suddenly develops "inner beauty" Nowadays you can hardly find a girl that wants to date a guy that doesnt have a car! Hardly!!! Infact you stand a better chance of seeing Maheeda with her clothes on than seeing a girl with a carless guy!

Infact some girls are so engrossed in this that they lose their sense of judgement! They see it as some form of prerequisite for a relationship. Some days ago, they asked one girl for her favourite sport! She said "RANGE ROVER". Thats how bad it is now o!!

Not just cars! Money!! I've seen girls that date criminals! Throwing morals into the wind!! One girl met one guy that told her he's into drugs!! Instead of this girl to take to her heels, she rather stuck to her hills! DRUG BARON! She even went about telling her friends that her boyfriend is INTO DRUGS! She jumped at the guy! Gave the guy her time and BODY!  After 6months the guy took tthe girl to his "CHEMIST" (small scale pharmacy) in Ajegumle where he sells panadol, Vit c and ALABUKUN! "OMG i thought you said you were into Drugs??" 'Eheen! Panadol na paint?'

Now whats making this trend more dangerous for guys is that they now expect this cars as GIFTS!!! Imagine! I overheard a girl breaking up with her boyfriend over the phone.  She was really crying o! This is what I heard her say:

"Ah Bayo, you are a useless boyfriend! Infact you are now my EX! What didnt you do? Is Lola's boyfriend not your mate? Were you not there on her birthday when he gave her the KEYS to a brand new Range Rover? Is Busola's husband not your mate! Didn't you hear that he gave her the KEYS to a duplex in Lekki? But you!!!! You! what did you give me on my birthday? The KEYS to your heart!! wetin I  wan take am do! Your heart na Ferari?"

I would like to seize this medium to join all well meaning Nigerians in the clamor for the safe release of our 234 girls! Its been 2weeks! We need our future leaders! I'm not Yerima, but I want our girls back! Lets all not get tired of praying for our country! God bless Nigeria! #BringBackOurGirls 


For bookings, please contact +234-7035639439. or BB: 2B27E384


 Immediately you saw this title, if the first thing that came to your mind is "BUSINESS PROPOSAL", then, my brother, you are really hungry o! All I can say to you is "Jehovah God will do it!" (you know there is a level a man's suffering would get to that he can't afford to call God one name!) But if, on the other hand, immediately you saw the title the first thing that came to your mind is "MARRIAGE PROPOSAL" , even though you are right, my sister, YOU DON RIPE FOR MARRIAGE O! Well all I can say to you is, "JEHOVAH GOD OF HEAVEN THAT CREATED HEAVEN AND EARTH will do it for you"

Welbeck to the mata (Well back to the matter), In recent times, for some reason, I've witnessed a couple of marriage proposals live! Maybe God is trying to tell me something. I've seen men really pull some romantic stunts o! RANGEing from buying cars,planning with the organisers of a show to actually collecting the mic and proposing, or even interrupting a movie in the cinema!! Hmmmm! Wonders shall never cease (like a village gossip in a Nolly-wood flick). What if she says NO? I was watching one on TV sef! The guy said he wanted to propose so the presenters helped out! Hmmmm! The last time I heard such an emphatic NO was 15years ago when I asked my father if I could go and see my female friend! ON TV (no not ONTV i meant ON TV!!) If na me,  Its either I kill her or I commit suicide. But there must be a death.
The one that got to me was that of Peter (or Paul of Psquare sha) who bought a RANGE ROVER! No be dat wan pain me o! He now ASKED her "Will you marry me?" See what women have turned us to! What is she going to say? NO?? If she says NO then definitely she would have accident with that car! The car would be intact o, but she would die!! If me I buy moto for a babe, even if na "picanto", the question I would ask would be "Which month should our wedding be?" Not to now talk of Range!

But on a serious note, one thing I know is, my own proposal would be very unique (if you are a lady, thats one reason I should be your husband).  Ladies love creativity! And I believe, if you really love your woman then you should try to honor her with a unique wedding proposal! I plan on doing something that has never been done before! I mean a marriage proposal that is entirely novel. Do you mind me sharing my wonderful proposal fantasy here? I knew you would say I should go ahead! Ole! You want to steal it! Weeeellll I would share it all the same. But please I beg you dont steal it!

I plan on proposing while driving. Me and her in the car. I want a romantic song in the background so I would slot in a Terry G CD (RUN MAD would be the ideal track but, really, any Terry G track would suffice). So while this romantic track is playing, I would make sure I drive moderately (Romantically) and then start off a  conversation about how I really love her and how I wanna be with her forever. Then I would tell her of how I LOSE CONTROL easily every time I get disappointed. At this time, I make sure I  drive in between 2 big trailers. One on my left and the other on my right! RUN MAD still playing in the background!! Guess what? At this point..........I pop the question! "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" If I hear say she no shout "YES!" with "BLOOD OF JESUS" to seal it sef!!

 Well this is my proposal master plan! Like I said earlier "please I beg you, don't steal it!"

 For bookings, please contact +234-7035639439.or BB:2B27E384

Tuesday, 26 November 2013


This life is not fair sha! The way somethings would just reign and reign with so much impunity and then, after some time, fade off still baffles me! I remember Hi5 ! If you were not on Hi5 ehhnn, you were a slacker! Now, where is Hi5 now? Who is even on hi5 now sef? Anyways I heard you can find Baba Fryo and Daddy Fresh there sha. Now almost the same misfortune is befalling Facebook. Facebook that time was every youth's shoulder to lean on! But now, twitter has relieved Facebook of  that duty. By the way, I know why young people lost interest in Facebook. Ever since our fathers and mothers started joining Facebook, there has been an exodus from the social network. People are running from their parents. So watch your back twitter, our parents are coming for you! Really the way parents encroached Facebook ehhn!
I remember chatting with one babe on Facebook a few years back! I was just getting to know her .  I was spitting lines o! Chyking the babe! Then I told her to send me her pictures. Only for me to discover that it was my mum! So you get why I dont really use Facebook again. Now its market women that use Facebook! You mean you dont know? Market women have customized Facebook o!They have changed all those abbreviations to suit theirs now. They cant use 'lol' na! They use RAS - Rerin Alariwo Sita!  In the market, I heard one shouting EFPMK! I asked what it meant, she said 'Erin Fe Pa Mi Ku' Thats their LWKMD!

And yet this trend doesn't stop there! BBM is almost getting a piece of the unfortunate cake too! Wey BB don  dey Techno now! kai! But I am a huge BBM fan anyways! BB actually saved a lot of people from boredom! You would see a lady that has no friend! Absolutely no friend in life! But she would not see any other phone to buy but BB! She would now have only ONE contact! One contact on her BBM! The painful part is that she would still be sending BC! Her BC would now be like message and her message would be like broadcast! Smh! If we thought we saw abbreviations on Facebook, then we weren't prepared for the acronyms BBM had to offer! BBM and twitter collaborated to make this generation the laziest so far! In the days of our fathers! In the 70s they were very wordy. You will hear a sentence like "I am quite hungry". In the 80s they got lazier "I am hungry". In the 90s we thought the were lazy "I dey hung". But from 2000 we started hearing "I dey H" . Ladies and gentlemen, am afraid for our children o!  What would we hear "I dey.....". They would just go mute!

Now on BBM someone can just send you a full greeting without writing a word. Just abbreviations! On my birthday, one Yoruba man sent me a message "HBD LLNP GBU GGMUB IJN KLMJ" I knew the meaning of the other ones apart from the last one! So I had to ask what it meant then he said that was the most important part of the message "Ki La Ma Je" (what would we eat). That was when I knew he was a Yoruba man. But in this very 'abridged' generation, some set of people that I love so much would still prefer to write in full! You know them na! Yes am talking about the pastors! I have them on my contacts too! I dont really know why they dont shorten words! I just its not that the more you shorten words the more your life would... no no it cant be! Some of us for don die for bele! You would always know a pastor's BB message! Note that I said message not broadcast o. My pastor friend would want to greet me on BBM, this is what I would see:
"Calvary greetings to you in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord that died for you and me. I trust you are doing great! If so, glory be to God! Hallelujah! My purpose for PINGING you on this very day, the 26th of November 2013 is to ask how you are! I have not set my eyes on you in a long time so am pinging to check on you. Stay strong in the faith! God bless you! Looking forward to your reply soon. Yours in the Faith, Pst Femi Badmus."

But I always just love the Yorubas! Its only a Yoruba man that would still have H-factor on BB chat! No jokes (in Julius Agwu's Voice) Check this Pic out! I had to change the name of the guy so as not to digrace him!

Now to my main reason for this post! There is a burden in my heart and I want to let it all out! On BBM ehn boys can lie! Let me tell you what I used to do before. I would go on Google and search for "Pretty girls pictures" Then I would download plenty pictures of fine babes! Almost every day I would put one of the pictures up as DP and on my Pm I would write something like "Thanks hun for showing up today! Had so much fun!" "Or it was  great hanging out with you darl" Girls that I didnt know from Adam! Most of them are not even Nigerians! Guys used to respect me! They would just be pinging me to organise babe for them. I loved the attention men! Until one day I just used this fine girl's picture.

Then I updated my pm as usual "Thanks baby for showing up at my doorstep and singing with me! Sure had a great time! See you tomorrow like you promised. *KISS*"

(Now crying) I just noticed that my contacts started deleting me one after the other without even saying goodbye. Me that I had almost a thousand contacts all of a sudden, just had barely 10 and out of the 10, 9 of them are not functional. Only for me to get a call from RIM that they want to delete me too! 

So right now *wipes tears* i want to publicly apologise to my gone contacts to please come back! I didnt know it was Aaliyah (the yankee musician that apparently died 12years ago). Please forgive me *crying* I wont do it again!

Pink Crystal has Duvets nd bedspreads for sale. All to be delivered @ your doorstep!!! Ping Now to place your Orders!!!
Have a blessed and favored filled week!!! 
08167775503 or 324327C7 or 
Interested People Please!!! Pink Crystal Cares

If you want SLK to anchor your event or perform at your event, please call +23407035639439.SMS only please or BB: 25fa5cf5